GuyCal’s thoughts on the musicals that are chronologically reviewed by Musical Hell

1. The Legend of the Titanic: Objectively abysmal, yet with an early 2000s hip-hop tune like “Party Time” (though it was used during the wrong time period and no explanation/justification that he’s from the END of the previous millennium because he didn’t have a time machine!!!!) it is the least bad film in the animated titanic trilogy!!
2. Lost Horizon: Proof that unnecessary film remakes have been existent since the 20th Century AD. God*@**it…!!!!!
3. Mamma Mia! The Movie: It always got WAY more credit than it deserved, even with a lot of bashers!!!
4. Romeo & Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss: One of the most criminally bad movies with the greatest animation (at least and especially by the standards of just one animator who animated this)!
5. From Justin to Kelly: So awful that Diva had to give it more than eight sins!!!! What’s next at this rate, eh?
6. Repo the Genetic Opera: A mess of age/gender stereotypes and a dark-for-the-sake-of-it tone. But not bereft of redeeming factors and had potential to be a good film (or franchise; seriously, the ending is so open that this shouldn’t have been a standalone movie!).
7. Jekyll and Hyde: A flawed take on the highly popular novel by Robert Louis Stevenson, but it also does have its pros.
8. Joyful Noise: A 2012 film starring Queen Latifah that is EVEN WORSE than Ice Age: Continental Drift!
9. Mame: WOW. No wonder a lot of people forgot about its existence!
10. High School Musical: Yeah, I think the only way to appreciate the title is that the filmmakers must have been high when they made this (school) musical! 🤣
11. The Phantom of the Opera: A Joel Schumacher movie with even less substance than Batman and Robin, because at least with the latter, as disgraceful as it is to the Batman universe. it does have 20th Century campiness of superhero culture. This, on the other hand, feels like it was made by any phantom like DarkStrider, no pun intended.
12. Love Never Dies: Oh great, ANOTHER out-of-character take on The Phantom of the Opera!
13. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: The titular song is fun, but it has always been a 1960s Dick Van Dyke musical that it is too hateful to be anywhere near the ranks of the other one that is Mary Poppins taking away it’s full potential to be great because of its campy old-school sense of fun.
14. The King and I (1999): The diet-Disney Renaissance Don Bluth films all over again.
15. Sunday School Musical: The extreme problems of the High School Musical franchise expanded to tenfold to make it as bottom-of-the-barrel as other/animated mockbusters like the 2000s Spark Plug Entertainment movies and the GoodTimes Entertainment adaptations.
16. The Pirate Movie: A negatively stereotyped version of The Pirates of Penzance, which, BTW, is a hilarious satire regardless of the fact that it is a work of comedy made just before the 20th Century, let alone the late 1870s. Take about timeless!
17. Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band: A huge waste of the talents of the nostalgic singers of the mid-to-late 20th Century it has, except at least Aerosmith is well-used!
18. At Long Last Love: Has an interesting setting that gave the movie potential to be a tribute to early-to-mid 20th Century Hollywood, IT’S JUST TOO BAD IT WAS ALL A WASTED OPPORTUNITY, THANKS TO ITS CHARACTERS FOR LACKING COMMON SENSE!!!!!!!
19. Grease 2: Grease is already a very outdated yet overpraised (non)-classic, so if it were faded into obscurity as the negative influence towards high school musicals it is (no pun intended, hey, speaking of which…), then not only would the High School Musical franchise have never happened, but then it wouldn’t have a pure cash-grab sequel either! To give Grease 1 credit where credit is due, however, it at least has catchy songs that define the mid-20th Century. Plus it is interesting to know that it has the eldest actor of a teenage character that Olivia Newton-John as Sandy Olsson (Princess Pear as the main Mean Girls 3 character might dethrone that title sometime later this decade) literally be 3 DECADES/30 YEARS OLD DURING THE RELEASE OF THE FILM.
20. Shock Treatment: Not a sequel nor a prequel, but an equal! And an enjoyable follow-up to one of the most memorably great movies in horror, musical and history!
21. The Ten Commandments – If you want an adaptation of The Ten Commandments starring Val Kilmer as Moses, DEFINITELY stick with The Prince of Egypt instead! Because like AniMat says, THAT IS THE GREATEST RELIGIOUS ANIMATED FEATURE (up to the ranks of its only successor and Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie)
22. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Yes, I know, I know. The Rankin-Bass version has Donner being proven as misogynistic (he told his wife “No, this is man’s work!” this leaving her feelings to be hurt. Then again, this movie was made just before the third millennium AD.), but outside of that, at least it’s another holiday classic by Rankin-Bass. But it’s remake, on the other hand, is FILLED with childish cliches like the self-proclaimed “nice guy” getting the girl instead of the young male main character. And lazy direct-to-DVD animation! And much more!
23. Can’t Stop the Feeling!: Also salt to an open wound.
24. Xanadu: Problematic, but at many times fun to watch (ex: during the “Don’t Walk Away” segment where the main characters dance and enjoy each other in an extraordinary setting! Ah, them memories of ‘80s Don Bluth)
25. Rock and Rule: A massive mixed bag of animation and music that is industrious, but one of the main characters is so mean-spiritedly unlikeable that he gives us flashbacks of almost EVERY character of the Modern Family Guy cast)
26. Rock of Ages: Makes timeless late 20th Century music look like the manufactured work of wasted talents, aka this movie.
27. A Little Night Music: Outside of “Sondheim”, it feels like anything but a tribute.
28. Spice World: One of the most stereotypically feminine (and therefore EXCRUCIATING) movies ever made, but that’s the ultimate point of the film! To make a social commentary on the air-headed tropes other works before it had!
29. The Music Man: If you think this is awesome compared to the original version, then please, watch both movies to see if you will completely rethink both versions!!
30. Happily Ever After: With its massive weaknesses Diva, AniMat and eventually Bobsheaux pointed out, title seriously doesn’t describe how we feel about this film, yet even at that, it’s a lot more tolerable than the Happily N’Ever After duology.
31. Paint Your Wagon: Has a few elements worth coming back to, but the movie itself is something surely even Clint Eastwood, a director and one of the prominent actors of this film would not have wanted to remember on his resume.
32. I Kissed a Vampire: An even worse teen vampire movie than Hotel Transylvania, Vampire Academy and The Twilight Saga combined!!!!!!
33. The Apple: Has serious issues, but that might be one of the reasons why it’s so enjoyably campy.
34. The Swan Princess Christmas: It’s a film made by the animation studio responsible for franchises like Norm of the North and Alpha & Omega. So with that said, IT’S ABOUT AS REWARDING AS BEING ON THE NAUGHTY LIST FOR DOING SOMETHING THAT ISN’T EVEN WRONG!!!!!!!!
35. Geppetto: A highly pointless live-action remake of a Disney Animation film by Disney itself, a decade before this trend of big-budget Disney live-action remakes (or “rehashes”) of animated classics even started since after the 2000s with Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland.
36. The Singing Detective: More like “The Infuriating Detective” amirite? 😂
37. Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return: Thank God ElectricDragon505 cameoed in this, because one of the things that make him very deserving of his popularity is the films he gave his Seal of Garbage/Approval (excluding Frozen 1, The Simpsons Movie to the least extent, Toy Story 4 and Incredibles 2), including Legends of Oz(ful)! 😄
38. Tentacolino: Bottom-of-the-barrel, even by animated Titanic film standards.
39. Camelot: Just end already, movie!!!
40. Walking on Sunshine: It really is awful enough that Mamma Mia! is even a thing, AND THAT IT HAS A SEQUEL, (AND THE MOST INSULTING PART BEING) THAT IT EVEN HAS A KNOCKOFF!!!!!!!!!!!
41. Disco Worms: Uniquely bad.
42. The Wiz: Unintelligently made and a mixed bag at best, but definitely a better version of The Wizard of Oz than Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return, The Muppets Wizard of Oz (yeah, I can’t find believe there is something Muppets-related to slam either! But then again, Kermit’s Swamp Years does exist, so The Muppets Wizard of Oz isn’t the one and only work of the franchise I found mediocre at best! Just one OF them.) and Tom and Jerry: Back to Oz, because at least it had late 20th Century pop songs by The King of Pop, Diana Ross and much more, like “Wade On Down the Road”, “You Can’t Win” and more.
43. Home on the Range: Pretty horrible, especially by Disney Animation standards like Frozen 1 and Chicken Little.
44. Stage Fright: Horror movie parodies are normally phenomenal. This… is nowhere close to charming in any way.
45. Burlesque: Starring the same people that were in immature, overhyped films that were dependant on their time (which is the 2010s, the previous decade) like Frozen 1 and The Emoji Movie, but just before they could play Princess Anna of Arendelle and Just Dance Girl, Kristen Bell played a mean girl rival of a narcissistic Mary Sue whom we had as our “protagonist” (sound familiar??), whom Christina Aguilera played.
46. The Nutcracker in 3D: There is another movie made in November 2010 that nearly ends with the main female character whose teardrop brought the revived main male character to life. It is Tangled (it’s working title having been Rapunzel Unbraided). It would be a gigantic understatement to suggest everyone to stick with Tangled (which is that movie I referred to) instead of The Nutcracker: The Untold Story.
47. A Chorus Line: Stick with the original play version instead because at least THAT was groundbreaking!
48. Annie (2014): DOWN WITH MR. COAT (AKA STEFAN ELLISON) FOR BASHING PEOPLE FOR SLAMMING INSTEAD OF DEFENDING THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A FILM!!!!!!!!
49. Sweeney Todd: So good (at the very least least compared to every film Diva reviewed before it anyways, it is a good if not flawless movie, that’s for sure) that it has more than one “Saving Grace” and below seven sins!
50. The Princess and the Pea: It’s no Little Princess School (in terms of horrendous quality, it’s always gonna be impossible to top), but it is still another Disney wannabe film made to treat little girls like they are to be male-dependant, airheaded and whiny. SO IT IS MORE THAN SOMETHING TO GIVE A PASS!!!!
51. Nine: Adolf Hitler in Downfall: NEIN (x3)!
52. Glitter: Surely, Diva herself said it best as Sin #10 of the feature. XD
53. Thumbelina (1994): Yup. The only great animation based on a Hans Christian-Andersen novel is The Emperor’s New Groove. Every other one of them in this caliber will always look like hell (no pun intended) in comparison, including the half-enjoyable The Little Mermaid (1989).
54. Descendants: A p***-poor “satire” on Disney fairy tale culture made by the same director of the High School Musical trilogy. Kenny Ortega is also the director of This Is It, Hocus Pocus (take that Channel Awesome! Jambareeqi recently reviewed this film positively, which matters way more than a so-called “review” that is actually a skit with a drawn-out length!!!) and Newsies, so he had no excuse to screw up badly here!
55. Scooby-Doo: Music of the Vampire: It’s Scooby-Doo. And even by its standards, it’s formulaic. So if I wanna see Scooby-Doo, I’ll just stick with Mystery Incorporated, What’s New Scooby-Doo and Legend of the Phantasaur (Shaggy is our goddess)
56. Rhinestone: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?! COUNTRY MUSIC ISN’T EVEN COMMONLY PLAYED IN NEW YORK CITY!!!! PASS!!!!! 😳😤
57. Christmas is Here Again: Another disgrace to the holidays. 😡
58. A Troll in Central Park: One of the most babyishly saccharine movies ever made. No wonder (outside of having smooth animation, maybe too much so,) Don Bluth and the rest of the crew legit despise this about as much as the rest of us!
59. Strange Magic: The most disgraceful film made by George Lucas, so regardless of what people say about the Star Wars prequel trilogy, it’s just relieving that not all of its instalments ended up like THIS homophobic piece of garbage with disgusting character designs that make the characters look like stereotypical midgets (no offence)!!!!!
60. I JUST CAN’T F’IN ‘BELIEVE WE HAVE TO ENDURE THE EXISTENCE OF THE SWAN PRINCESS BEING A FRANCHISE, UP TO THE POINT WHERE MOST OF ITS MOVIES ARE EVEN DTV CGI S***QUELS!!!!!!!!!! 🤬
61. Peter Pan Live: A bad stage musical, and in no charming way whatsoever. Regardless of how dated and overrated (yeah, I rhymed, partially deliberately), one thing that keeps it away from being horrible is that it at least has that animation by Walt Disney Animation Studios!
62. Portal 2: The Unauthorized Musical: A mixed bag, which is why Diva of Musical Hell and Donna aka Musical Heaven reviewed this together. But I must ask, why isn’t there a Portal 1 stage musical if Portal 2 gets one???
63. Pete’s Dragon (original version): I think AniMat said it best about the Pete’s Dragon movies in the verdict section of Pete’s Dragon (2016) – AniMat’s Reviews, except I feel like he’s been a little too kind towards the remake since at least back when he reviewed it, it is so badly CGd when it comes to the dragon to make him look and sound like a realistic dragon rather than a stylized version like in the original, which could translate well in live-action if given in the right hands.
64. Popeye (1980) – Not really awful, but it would benefit a LOT more if it were animated. After all, the 20th Century Popeye Cartoons are a massive part of our lives! And Genndy Tartakovsky’s “Popeye” looked like it had potential to be one of Sony’s best animations up to the ranks of Surf’s Up 1, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse and the Aardman movies, but alas, Sony Pictures Animation, as the animation studio that greenlit the Hotel Transylvania franchise, cancelled in David of The Emoji Movie, WHICH TOO HAS A HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA SHORT (Welp, let’s see when eventually, other Wizards of Waverly Place actors, like David Henrie, are gonna star in post-2010s SPA films!!! XD) THAT ISN’T GOODNIGHT, MR. FOOT BUT INSTEAD PUPPY!!!!
65. Sci-Fi High: The Musical – IT’S LIKE THOSE OTHER STEREOTYPICAL TEEN MUSICALS!!!!!!!!!
66. The Fantasticks – More like “The Horrificks”, amirite? 😂
67. De-Lovely – Again, it could’ve been the latter word of the title if it tried a lot harder with everything it had!
68. Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas – Yes, it’s not directly as bad as Belle’s Magical World nor the 2017 remake by the same director of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, but the only film we should all stick with in the animated B&tB trilogy is hands-down the original.
69. Rock-A-Doodle – One of the most disappointing Don Bluth films ever made, ESPECIALLY because of the sexist Snips the Magpie that (very unfortunately) was not made to be one of the bad guys.
70. If we wanna watch a Kenneth Branagh film made around the beginning of the new millennium (one of the most recent decades), we could just stick with DreamWorks Animation’s The Road to El Dorado!
71. The Hunchback of Notre Dame II: So immaturely different from the original that it’s one of, if not the worst sequels by DisneyToon Studios, which often makes great works like A Goofy Movie, Ducktales the Movie and threequels like A Twist in Time, The Lion King 1/2 and Aladdin and the King of Thieves. or terrible twoquels like The Return to the Sea, Atlantis: Milo’s Return, Cinderella II: Dreams Come True, Mulan II and Pocahontas: Journey to the New World.
72. The Return of Captain Invincible -Speaking of superhero parodies, it’s not quite as incredible and invincible as The Incredibles or Captain Underpants because of its sins/major nitpicks. But even so, it does deserve to have recognition because it’s funny in the old-school way.
73. Cannon Movie Tales – Sleeping Beauty: We can all do so much better without Cannon Movie Tales in general.
74. The Secret of NIMH 2 – Timmy to the Rescue: The Secret of NIMH will always be one of the absolute greatest films of all time, and it has a sequel, WHICH IS ONE OF THE WORST FILMS OF ALL TIME, ESPECIALLY FOR WHOLEHEARTEDLY DUMBING DOWN THE MATURELY PROFOUND TONE OF THE ORIGINAL AND MAKING JUSTIN AND THE REST OF THE RATS OF NIMH BACKSTABBERS!!!!!!!!!
75. The Lorax (2012) – Let it die, let it die! Let it shrivel up to pieces (no seriously, as painfully meh as Illumination’s 2010s films excluding Despicable Me 1 & 2 and The Grinch which are closer to between great and bad are, The Lorax is the worst film by the company)! 😆
76. S**tette – It tries too hard with what it wants to offer that it puts in little effort (ex: it has a lot of i*****dos, yet it somehow is too afraid to add full n***ty unlike Frigid Fire Animation Arm works like Private Partners/Vega Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog: Kantolized Trilogy, Rusty, The Effect and Basebrawl)! 😡
77. Descendants 2 – An improvement over the original, but not an improvement in general. 😠
78. The Phantom of the Paradise – Has the sins pointed out in this review, but also has the campily extreme charm of late 20th Century works of fiction like Yellow Sumbarine and Beavis & Butthead!
79. Man of La Mancha – Speaking of Peter O’Toole films, it’s a lot better to stick with animated gems like Ratatouille and The Nutcracker Prince (outside of Marie, one of its characters, no pun intended on the Private Partners main character)!!!! 😡
80. A Christmas Carol: The Musical – A pointlessly existent version of the Charles Dickens novel which happens to just be so influential for having several adaptations!
81. The (Other) Phantom of the Opera – Definitely a better version of The Phantom of the Opera than the versions Diva reviewed throughout episodes 10-11 of the series!
82. The Pebble and the Penguin – One of, if not the absolute worst of Don Bluth films! Certainly a minor step-up from A Troll in Central Park! 😡
83. Jem and the Holograms (2015) – A film that resembles WAY too little of the show it’s based on, so with that said, IT SUCKS B***S, EVEN BY THE STANDARDS OF HOLLYWOOD CASH-GRAB REMAKES!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬
84. Pokemon Live – If it’s better than the worst of Pokémon characters (like Serena in the anime rather than the game [where she was at least athletic and optimistic] for going head-over-heels over more male characters than just Ash Ketchum and throwing temper tantrums, and her sister Bonnie, and Shaymin, Ash Ketchum in the play and much more. Hey, speaking of Pokemon Live!, we go back to it now), then that won’t be saying much.
85. Freaky Friday – REALLY, DISNEY?! A FOURTH FREAKY FRIDAY REMAKE?!?!?!?! We could have just had one Freaky Friday, the ‘03 version with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan! But is the late 2010s version at least bearable? Hell no!
86. The Mighty Kong – It’s not just charming animated films that get bad live-action remakes, it’s also non-animations that are worth watching that get animated remakes that weren’t asked for unless they turned out good. This to King Kong (1933), along with Elf: Buddy’s Musical Christmas to Elf (2003) and The Addams Family (2019) of the The Addams Family franchise is an example!
87. Quest for Camelot – Had potential to be another Disney Renaissance-esque film of the 1990s that would actually turn out good like Don Bluth’s Anastasia, The Prince of Egypt and even Feengully: The Last Rainforest (oh, I can hear Lindsay Ellis telling me how wrong I am for mostly complimenting these movies! 😂)! But no, it’s another film that has bombed for jumping in the bandwagon of trying too hard to be a Disney Renaissance film when Disney hasn’t at all made it.
88. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells – If you never knew TMNT even had a musical, then good, let’s keep it that way so we can move on by having Princess Pear of Frigid Fire Animation Arm make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie as April O’Neill!!!
89. Z-O-M-B-I-E-S: It’s another Disney Channel Original Movie. So unfortunately, of course it would make the “It’s for kids” excuse to be mean-spirited and one-dimensionally non-gender-neutral.
90. The Best Little W****house in  Texas: I hate to say it, but very unfortunately, it always has been a higher-grossing film of the 1980s than All Dogs Go to Heaven starring Dom DeLuise and Burt Reynolds in the same movie.
91. Elf Bowling: The Movie – To put it the most generous and sincere way possible, F*** THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!!! 🤬
92. Dr. Dolittle (1967) – Likely, with Robert Downey Jr.’s team making this, the upcoming movie of the source material will turn out far, FAR superior to this joke of an adaptation (spoilers: THEY BOTH SUCK ABOUT AS MUCH!!!!!!!!!)
93. Hi-Tops – More like “Lo-Tops”!
94. Yellow Submarine – Musical heaven (no pun intended on the Angel character Donna)!!!!
95. Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again – Deeply flawed, yet in some ways, it’s actually, like The Rescuers Down Under to The Rescuers (1977), a massive improvement over the original!
96. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat – Not the worst since the titular protagonist is hawt, but another musical that has more weaknesses than it needs.
97. The Thief and the Cobbler – DEFINITELY stick with The Recobbled Cut!!!
98. David Copperfield (1993) – The spiritual predecessor of the 2000 kiddie schlock of animation, Tom Sawyer.
99. (Probably a The Land Before Time sequel) – TBA
100. TBA (probably Rover Dangerfield) – Another rare case of a terrible movie with otherwise decent visuals